The Spanglish Girl Diaries
It’s a Sign!
(Diary No. 4)
Latinas and their signs…
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve read too much into “signs.” I think my obsession with signs stems from my belief in fate and energy. “Signs” typically appear when I need direction in life: they are a compass of sorts. When I get a “sign,” it’s like the universe (aka God) is giving me approval or guidance.
The problem with “signs,” however, is that they are not always foolproof. And sometimes, I decipher them incorrectly and, in turn, they end up being tragically misleading… To prove my point, I started dating my ex because I was certain we were meant to be–all because of a sign!
So here’s how it happened–“sign” and all…
You know how white girls have the Disney prince charming mentality? Well, us Mexican girls, who grow up watching novelas, have the novela mentality: rich, handsome Mexican man marries you and you live happily ever after in a beautiful hacienda…
My ex was all those things, minus the hacienda. We met at a luncheon for young Latino professionals in California. He looked like William Levy but with black hair. He was an ivy league college graduate from a wealthy family in Mexico. For me, it was love at first sight–partly because I’d never met a Mexican like him: I didn’t think they existed, except for in the novelas–so you can’t blame me for falling for him. #iblamethenovelas
I knew we were meant to be when I opened a fortune cookie, while sitting next to him, and it read, “Stop searching forever, happiness is RIGHT NEXT to you.” I mean, common! In terms of “signs,” it was crystal clear…
Let’s just say we became instantly inseparable, and six months later, we married. I moved to Chicago leaving behind my family, friends, and most tragic– my schooling (I had one year left of college). #pendeja
The hurry was not me being pregnant, as everyone believed, but that we wanted to be together. And because he was originally a foreign exchange student and then on a work visa, I needed to be the one to move. #right #loveisblind
I now know the fortune cookie was not a “sign,” or fate, or from God–as my mother would say. But, today, my ex finally messaged me… And it’s not just that he messaged me, it’s that he messaged me after I received a “sign.”
Ok, before you roll your eyes, hear me out Virgencita:
While sipping my morning cup of coffee, I read my horoscope. It stated that an ex lover will experience a change of heart, and I should forgive and forget. Now, for the monumental part… As soon as I finished reading my horoscope, my phone pinged: my ex messaged me, asking that we meet to discuss the relationship and divorce!
Now, I can see this two ways: he truly wants to discuss the divorce or he is using it as an excuse to see me to work on the relationship. My mother, of course, would tell me A) not to be believing that hocus pocus/superstitious stuff because it’s from El Diablo and B) not to go because he might be planning to kill me (she always assumes the worst–mainly because she watches too many novelas…). #lol #theappledoesntfallfarfromthetree
As crazy as it sounds, I feel I must go–not only does my horoscope confirm I should see him (#itsasign), but more important, this might be my only chance to talk to him one on one, without attorneys present. I want closure: after 6 years of marriage, I deserve more than a closet void of all his clothes for a final goodbye.
What I really want to know is who is she and why is she different. There has always been someone else, but for him to leave me, he must have found someone he truly cares about. I never felt threatened by any of them, mainly because none of them were ever my equal. Maybe that was my mistake… Then again, that’s ridiculous, I shouldn’t have to compete for my husband’s love…
So now that I’ve decided I’m going, what should I wear? I know, I know, this isn’t a date, but in this marriage, it has always been about the looks. And although he comes from money, I’m his equal in looks and ambition.
I guess I don’t have to decide today on an outfit. Like Scarlette O’hara in Gone with the Wind would say:
I’m just glad I have plenty to keep busy with. These days I’m all for distractions. As of now, I need to unpack and furniture shop because I found an apartment in downtown next to the river–I love it! Living in a big city was my dream prior to marriage, but I couldn’t afford it at that time.
I think being in the city will be good for me because it’s loud and busy. I’m tired of feeling and thinking. I want to get lost in city life: clubs, dinning, theatre, concerts, restaurants, work and maybe even dating. Hopefully then, I’ll begin to forget him…
On that note, I should mention that I think the apartment was meant to be… I knew it was the one when I noticed the number: it’s the day my ex left, 0113. If that isn’t a sign, I don’t know what is! Lupe agreed–her exact words, “It’s a sign–take it,” so I signed a lease. #lol
I’ve concluded some things really are signs and fate (like my apartment)–others are just mixed messages from El Diablo (like my ex)…
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